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what was coming next - I
Charlie's handling of the
paper's transition. It's an
awful predicament, succeeding your lover. Charlie
WILLIAM CASTRONUOV0/9"9'~
seemed overwhelmed by the
THE BOSTON READER
course of events. I would be.
ILL URB~ founder, publisher, and
Running through my mind
editor of the Baltimore Alternative,
was a line from Lyndon
the main gay newspaper in that city.
Johnson's
speech
to
died June 24 of complications due to AIDS.
Congress following the
He was 37.
assassination of John
Bill was born in Lancaster, Pa. He attendKennedy. "All I have," the
ed the University of California at Santa Barnew president told his forbara, Loyola College, and Coppin State
mer colleagues, "I would
College in Maryland.
have given gladly not to be
Selling ads from his bicycle, Bill founded
standing here today .... "
the Baltimore Alternative in 1986, commitCharlie, the mourning lover,
ting the newspaper to extensive coverage of
was now the editor and pubthe AIDS crisis, gay and lesbian civil rights.
lisher - and he was facing a
and privacy issues. He guided the paper
deadline.
throughout his six-year battle with AIDS
If you wonder about newsand left the monthly in the loving bands of
paper deadlines, understand
his life-partner Charles Mueller.
this: The least dis&action for
The above facts are terse, standard, and
people putting a paper
expected. Bill and Charlie are two people I
together can provoke a lion's
know very well. I worked with them for a '
roar. I can not imagine the
number of months as an associate editor of
emotional pressure Charlie
the Alternative. Baltimore is a great town,
was under that night He had
STEVE BROWN/ BALTIMORE ALTERNATIVE
and it was a joy to work with a paper that
buried Bill in th"e morning
truly reflected the region it served, in this BIi Urllan, 1.955 - 1.992
and now he was putting oui:
case the gay community of Maryland's
his lover's funeral edition.
largest city.
man who sought to be embraced and who "Overwhelming" and "fantastic" are almost
When Bill's lover Qiarlie called to break em1racec1 He cared deeply for Baltimcxe. He too weak to describe this situation.
the news to me, it was not unexpected. Yet, cared deeply f~_
people who, like him, wantWhich brings me to why this event is sigit was no easier to take. The gay iress needs ed the truth ·&r¥t wanted to improve gay life.
nificant to gay publishing in America. The
Bill Urban right now - in fact, now more
Bill want!d · to live life on his tmns - and Baltimore Alternative was Bill Urban's
than ever. But this is not to be.
he wanted:io die on his terms. He was able dream. Bill's legacy is not just that he
I think about what made Bill tick. Work- to do both. Yet, as independent as he was, founded one of the most respected gay
ing with him in the small basement office of Bill sustained his faith in God. Never once newspapers in the country, but that he
the Alternative, I was struck by his energy. during his illness did I hear him blame any- shared it with someone who cares equally
I found it remarkable that the fires of life one or anything. His faith allowed him an about its security and continued existence kept the fire in Bill's life going, burning inner freedom, and he took each day and - his dear lover Charlie Mueller.
ever so bright in the feisty pages of his judged it on its merits.
The love between these two devoted men
beloved Baltimore Alternative.
He once said to me. "If God loves a sin- was a wonderful thing. Charlie had been in
He was so much the old-school news ner, and being gay is a sin, I'm in pretty construction - a foreman and a draftsman reporter, always with a story to tell, gossip good standing." Indeed. But being gay is but he left his career for love. And recently
to share, facts to clear misunderstanding. He not a sin. It's something to be proud of, and it has been hell for Charlie, caring for Bill
disliked people, gay or straight, who were Bill was so proud.
and running the Alternative. I will always
not professional. Bill was a professional
The night after Bill was buried I called marvel that he managed to do it.
journalist and, as was his right, was firecely the Alternative's newsroom. Answering,
Bill's death left a major void. Yet his lastproud of that fact.
and obviously alone, was Charlie. He was ing love for and through Charlie is a fire
What was so wonderful about Bill was working on the July issue of the newspaper. that will continue to bum in the pages of the
that you always knew where you stood with "I just can't believe he's gone," Charlie kept paper. Love ultimately held an incredible
him. If you were his friend he treated you as saying to me - voice cracking. It was hard situation together. Not deadlines, not
such, and even the people he counted to hear, but I was thinking the same thing. accounts payable, not even AIDS was able
amoog his foes held him in respect He was a "This was Bill's paper!" he said. I sensed to harm all that was dear to Bill Urban.
Bill Urban leaves a
truly loving legacy
(
B
PHIL URSICH,-a popular bartender, died of AIDS
. .
'"•
.
compI1cations 1V1arch 9. A few years ago, Urs1ch
su ed w h en h e was a lLegedly har assed and punch ed
by guards whfl trying to visit a friend at Cook
County J ailf
.
•• , ~ ...._ .__.
Mv
friend.• UMILE-ln
Melrose. March 19. ~aid G .
~
...,,,..,. • - - beloved son of James and Glona (S~dadaarflt, klndNt and moat-T ll fora) Umtle. IOI/Ing brother of James Jr, Rlchh\lfflCIII ua DQIIICI on da'f, Mardi, 10, 19'2. IIIIIICllld·
-
•c:
trom us bV AIDS. I
lllmterrlblv- MardwelMr
UPTON-MCIII(. (II.) Di.cl QUienv
of AIDS related comPl~~K2!'
Sot. Mav a at Memortal '"""'' .,.
tenno. The PashCCII LltUrllV wllofl best
celebrated at the Church
·
Luke In The Fiekll at HudlOR and
Grove St, on Fri. Mav 14 at 7 PM.
In 1 of f!OW91'S CIOIIOtlona wtll be
i.u
__._. bV the cllUrdL ~
CIC..,..,,_
. /9Y.
50,
·
f the nit_..__ Soci,,,y
A--'-"-· .,
past pres..o
of Interior l)esigners/1111. died
ons
1 Feb. 13 of AIDScom~ 1 9'~
ard and Patricia Dmlle loving brother in law
of Patricia and Rose uinue. lilso survived 1:>y
~~o'::'ndu~r:
Funeral from the A . J~dafora Funeral
~°'_'1i.,~ra1MrJ~~ St. ~~~u~~
Melrose at 10 am. Relatives ancflrlenda are
rescectfully invited. Visiting Hours Sunday 24 . 7-9. In lieu ofllowera contributions ff"l!IY_~
made to AIDS Action Committee of MASS.
131 Clarendon St. Boston. MA.
UGI-Of Boston formerly of Brockton, David
W. ~e 34 yrs .. beloved son of Priaclfte A .
(Ugl)-Del.orenzo of Brockton and the late
~ h Ugi. Devoted brother of Robert,
ri':a,:gt~~~
t
1
~~.J=~~h'::The Jesuit U rban
':ioo~:li~nf.:.
neral Mass wtll be held at
Center 775 Harrison Ave. , Boston. on Sat urci,iy':Juhi 15 at 10 a.m . Relatives and friends
j~~ 1~~-:-. ~~~-~".' F~~~
~~~~~~~~=~~~
�Roy A. Uribe
Gregory Clydesdale Usher
1956-1993
On his b i ~ , Apr il 3,
· · cele brat ed the
life of our dear
friend end
er Roy. In the
rolling hills of
Sonoma County,
where his spirit
will ffllt, friends
and fam ily~
ered to remem-
ber him and
plant a flam iag
liqu id amber;
apirit.
maple lnle •a Wim oaia l ID that
t
Boru in Yaaan, Msico, Roy spen
he
man y Jl!8IW in San Fnmciaco where
ne
-inf ln.., ,,ial in thedmcemuaicace
•
of the '70a and '80a. He was featwed
at a number of diaco exligbtman
.
trav apm aaof tblt time and wor ked
:iaman apr of top 25 diac jockey aaoc
tion.
In 1989 he IDCJl'ed back to Southern
Calibnia to be doe 1D hil family. Dul"
ingt he pat bll'J1!81Whecoatinued hil
r
career in rec:onlpromodon •coo wne
re
of Pacific CwtDJ AMOrietioa, whe
he wm W aatil
We will ahnii,a remember his mnile
and be of life. Ro., lWll8im a special
bia..... .
Cooking-School Director, 43
Gregory
le Usher, an American who
Clydesda
top
was the former director of three ay
~oo~ing schools in France, died Frid
m hts home in Paris. He was 43. from
The cause was complications
AIDS.
He had been director of the Ritz
Escoffier cooking school at th~ Ritz
Hotel in Pari d and of the La V~e nne
to
and Cordon Bleu schools. He moved
the Ritz in 1987.
s
He had been chairman of the Pari
of
d of the American Institute dboar
Wine and Food, an organization foun ts
ed by Julia Child and other specialis
ng
to promote high standards ~n;re pari
o2/"f/.f'¥
food and drink.
r
Mr. Usher was born in Montclaii~
but moved to Portland, Ore. , of
N.J.,
y
1962. He attended the Universit 1970
in
Oregon before moving to Pari s onne.
to ~tu_dy art.history at the Sorb
He ~ga n his care er as an apprentice
cook m several restaurants.
PaHe is survived by a companion, and
Bachelard, and by his parents
trice
three brothers in the United States.
friend ID tbme wbo,.._lucky cno.aaJi
to bow him.
~D BY E DEAR FRI END !•
Lewin Hepburn Usilton m
Feb. 27, 1943 - Nov. 22, 1994
dh-:d
PARIS, Feb. 8 (AP) -
4 , 1ed peacey ov. 0 of complications
from AIDS. Dr. Uppling
worked as a psychologist at
the Victor C. Newman
School, and he was an active
Horizons Community Services volunteer, facilitating
support groups for people
with AIDS and leading "Grief
and Healing" weekend retreat s for AIDS caregivers.
He also led support groups
for AIDS patients at Cook
County Hospital, and for adolescents at the Center for
Cranial and Facial Anoma·
lies at the U. ofl./Chicago.
He is survived by Horizons
Executive Director Tom
Buchanan and many family
members and friends, and his
green-wing macaw, Sammy.
Contributions: Horizons.,. 961
W. Montana, 60614. ~.>
of AIDS complica. Lewin
he
tions at Commg Home Hospice;
was 5 I. He was
well-known in
New York's West
Village as manager of the popular Mad Monk
cera mics store.
After moving to
San Francisco, he
~cl ean anc t
sober and earned
his LYN degree.
A tireless fighter
against AIDS, he
applied his keen rationality and
administrative ability to the benefit of
the Berkeley Free Clinic's Gay Men's
Hea lth. and Peer Counseling
r before
Collectives, and served as president
AIDS Patient: A type of parasite neve rding to
of the board of directors of Healing Un kno wn Parasite Killed
S patient acco
death of a San Francisco AID
Alternatives Foundation.
seen by doctors was responsible for the ent died two years ago, but it has taken doctors this
. Lewin loved reading and had a
y. The pati
ors at Stanford Universit
d, it is a distant relative of the
~gh ly deve lope d aesthetic apprecia- doct
the natu re of the parasite. Still unname and destroyed three-fourths
~on. He greatfy enjoyed participating long to understand
in the patient's abdomen
s
site
m choreographer Anna Halperin'
tapeworm. It formed a large growth
ation and there is no evidence the para
Wheel of Ufe perfonnances, for and of his liver. Doctors stressed this was a freak situ
people to become afraid
AIDS. "We do not wan t
byPWAs.
s a general threat, even to those with rdo, a Stanford pathologist. "li more are found,
Lewin was a rare and utterly pose
Dr. Luis Faja
report," said
unique person. His mother Eleanor: over this one
then there may be reason to worry."
sister, Betty; and many re~v es,
his
~ and friends deeply mourn
cO:
passmg.
A memorial and potluck are
planned at Kairos House, 114
Douglass Street. San Francisco, on
al
December 4, 2-6 p.m., with a form
gathering at 3:30 p.m. For informas
tion, call (415) 695-2823. Donation
ves
to eitbe r Healing AlternatiCA
Foundation, 1748 Market, SF, ic,
94102 or the Berkeley Free Clin
2339. Durant Ave., Berkeley, CA
94704 would be greatly appreciated.
•
��N MID-JANUARY, THE BREEZE
blowing in from the bedroom
windo felt refreshing on my
face as I sat on the bed after a
long, restless night. I felt completely depleted of any physical or emotional energy. My mother and I had
just left the freezing temperatures of Maine and had flown
down to be with my father in
their Florida home.
Since my mother was too weak
to drive with my father, I flew
down with her. Dad was shocked
when he met us at the airport
the night before. He couldn't
believe how her health had deteriorated in just the few days since
he had left home. I had stayed
with her since she was unable to
take care of herself. She had lost
her sense of balance and kept
falling, but she still wanted to
go back to Florida.
I marveled at the beautiful
palm trees in the front yard . It
was such a welcome change from
New England. As I walked into
the kitchen, I heard my father
talking to Morn.
When I entered her bedroom,
I saw her tiny, frail body lying
listlessly between her floral pink
sheets. She woke up confused and disoriented. She wasn't the mother I had
loved for so many years. She was losing
her memory, her ability to speak coherently and her ability to walk. I was losing my mother to AIDS! She loved her
Dogg, as she called a stuffed animal
she treasured. After all, Dogg was one
of the few with whom she could freely
share her sorrow. Certainly, this silent
mascot would not reveal the family
secret that we had been concealing for
the past two years.
Only a handful of family members
knew Mom had contracted the virus
eight years ago during a heart bypass
operation. Now, instead of having the
surgery increase her life span so she
could enjoy her retirement years, she
was living a nightmare and close to
death.
I looked at her face, pale and drawn,
but her large brown eyes stared deeply
into mine. She whispered in a tired,
I
share my sorrow wtm, 1 aepenaea on
Ken for consolatio n. He was hurting
as much as I was.
After much discussion , we finally
decided to inform our sons about their
grandmoth er. Even tl1ough they were
deeply saddened, they seemed to handle it well. They had been educated about AIDS in their health
class in high school and were
aware it was a virus that could
affect anyone. I felt a tremendous sense of relief after telling
To be HIV-positive is
them. At least we didn't have to
whisper anymore.
to wrestle with an illness
That first morning in Florida
we heard a knock on the door.
that strikes fear
One of Mom's neighbors came
into the hearts of others.
to the house to welcome her back
to Florida. All morning, however,
This woman decided
Mom had been talking incoherdiagnosis
ently and was not making any
to keep her
sense. I couldn't let anyone see
secret from all but
her like this. I made an excuse
and said that she was sleeping.
her closest caregivers.
My poor father couldn't take
much more! Up four to five times
By Janet Clark
a night to help her to the bathroom and give her medication ,
he was totally exhausted.
I sat by her bed watching her
drift in and out of sleep. My eyes
burned with fatigue. My energy
zapped, but I was still trying to
was
through. But I couldn't do that!
My parents didn't want anyone to hold on.
know about Mom's condition. They
were afraid of what had happened to
~2()
Ryan White and other victims of AIDS.
My mother also worried about her
grandchil dren. She thought other
children at school would make fun of This afternoon we drove to the docthem and tease them. Professionals and tor's office. I waited impatiently whilt
clergymen differed in their opinion as Mom was being examined. My hea
to whether to reveal this secret. I felt pounded with fear. A few minutes late:
overwhelm ed and frustrated, and my the doctor called my father and m1
physical body was experienci ng the into her office. Her face was somber
consequen ces of concealing the fact She had always taken a spec.ial interes
in my mother.
that Morn was dying of AIDS.
In a very soft, gentle voice, Sh!
two teenage sons
For two years my
grandmoth er was turned to my father and said, "I'm sc
didn't know their
HIV-positive. My husband, Ken, and I sorry, but your wife is dying. She's i1
constantly whispered when they were the last stages of the disease. It's tim,
in the house. We told them she was now for you and your daughter to tr;
dying of cancer, but the constant to make her last few weeks or days a
secrecy was straining our marriage. We comfortabl e as possible."
My father sat stunned by the newi
were both suffering without any support. Since I dirln't h;ivP ;invnnP Pl~P tn F.vPn though he knew AIDS .was fata l
worn voice, "Janet, you're precious. 1
love you."
I tried to hold back my emotions so
I didn't break down in front of her, but
I felt lonely, scared and desperate. I
needed someone to hold me, to support
me and understand what I was going
Death at the Door
�it was difficult for him to accept the
final verdict of death. Tears trickled
down his cheeks.
"Have you thought of the possibility
of having Hospice help you?" she
inquired . I had already thought of the
idea and we made a phone call from
the doctor's office. They would be sending someon e to the house on Monday.
I thought of the long weekend we
were going to have to ourselves. Since
my mother needed more intimate care,
the doctor and nurse recomm ended
using rubber latex gloves when we were
dealing with bodily fluids.
After our discussi on with the doctor, my father and I went into the
examini ng room where my mother had
been waiting patiently in a wheelch air.
I felt bad that we had left her alone for
e
so long. Surely, she knew what we w_re
ng. As we walked over to her, I
discussi
choked up and attempte d to console
her, but discovered my voice seemed
paralyze d with immens e emotion . I
knew I had to gain control over my
feelings. I didn't want her to realize
how painfulf this was for me.
She looked so beautifu l. I had
washed and set her hair that morning ,
and she appeare d so childlike, with a
pleasant smile on her face. She didn't
want to cause us any pain or trouble.
That smile melted my heart! She was
dying. I was going to lose her soon.
How could I make her days more tolerable? She was plagued with constan t
head pain and no medicat ion would
relieve it complet ely.
Before we left the doctor's office, the
nurse instruct ed us in the care of an
AIDS patient and of the occasions when
it was necessary to take extra precautions and use bleach to kill the virus. It
was so horrifying! I prayed that God
would give me the strength to know
what to do and say to Morn .
I walked into the main waiting room
and noticed a mother and daughte r sitting together . It was obvious that the
mother had overhea rd the discussi on
and instructions the nurse had given us.
As I tried to maneuv er the wheelch air
and all the packages and pamphle ts I
was carrying, I accidentally dropped the
rubber gloves on the floor. As we both
stooped down to pick them up, our
eyes met. "Here, you dropped these,"
she said as she placed her hand on my
shoulde r to offer her support and sympathy in the tragedy we were facing.
The tropical rain poured down
relentles sly as we drove back home.
Suddenly, without any quivering in her
How Safe Is the Bloo d Supply?
AIDS (Acquired Immune Deficiency Syndrom e) is a conditio n that
depends upon transmission of a virus, HIV (Human Immunodeficiency
Virus), directly into the bloodstr eam. This can happen primaril y in
one of four ways: through sexual intercou rse, by using infected needles and syringes, from an infected mother to her unborn baby, or by
receiving infected blood or blood products .
In March 1985, HIV screenin g of blood and blood product s was
begun. The blood transfus ion which resulted in this woman' s illness
and death occurred in 1983.
All blood collected in the United States is now screened for six infectious agents: HIV-1, HIV-2, HTLV-1, hepatiti s B virus, hepatiti s C
virus and syphilis . At the end of June 1992, the Centers for Disease
Control and Prevention (CDC) had received reports of 4,959 AIDS cases
resulting from receipt of blood transfusions, blood compon ents or tissue. Most of these cases are due to transfus ions received before March
1985.
HIV infectio ns from transfus ions of blood screened as negative for
the HIV antibod y have been extreme ly rare and have become progressively infreque nt, even in areas with a high incidenc e of HIV.
voice, Mom asked me, "How long did
the doctor say I had?" My heart sank.
Knowin g there was no comfort ing
answer, I stumble d over the words,
"Mom, no one knows how long any of
us has to live, but the doctor did notice
that you were weaker." I felt I wasn't
lying to her and I knew that in her
heart she was aware that it wouldn' t be
much longer. I didn't feel she needed
me to reinforc e that fact now.
~2:2
Unc lean
Today is Sunday. Dad went to Mass this
morning while I stayed with Mom. The
pain in her head was intensify ing. I
rubbed her head and stroked her arms.
She seemed to enjoy that. Her hand
kept reaching out to touch me. She
spoke with garbled words.
"I don't understa nd," she said haltingly. "The doctor back home said I
could live with this for many years. "
"l know, Mom, " I replied. "You have
lived a long time after being diagnosed."
l could see she didn't want to give up
the fight . She's so brave. Then with a
worried look on her face , she said
weakly, "I hope God isn't mad at me."
"How could God ever be angry at
you, Mom?" I asked, perplexe d.
In a soft voice she answere d, "Well,
I have not been to church in the past
few weeks."
"But Mom, you're not strong enough
to sit in church. God knows that," I
said reassuri ngly. "He loves you so
much and so do I. " 1 kissed her on the
cheek.
It was time for her medicin e. Opening the pill bottle, I dropped a tablet
onto the floor. I picked it up and placed
it on the nightsta nd. "I'll give you
another one. That one is dirty."
"It doesn't matter. I'm already dirty,"
she uttered sadly.
I turned my head so she couldn't see
my tears. How could she ever think of
herself in such an ugly manner? Society has treated AIDS as a dirty disease
instead of recogniz ing it as another
virus that is affecting our entire world.
Because of this, Mom thought she was
�unclean and soiled for having cont
tracted AIDS, even _hrough a blood
transfus" on. Society had made her feel
ashamed of her illness. I felt bij:ter and
angry.
She was certain that if people- discovered she had AIDS they would reject
her. She was trying to protect all of us
by-keeping it confidential. It was causing tension, however, an,d my health
was being affected by the stress and
secrecy.
Initially, I believed that people would
naturally support us. As I sat by my
mother's bedside, however, I remembered the day I had lunch with one of
my closest friends. The topic of AIDS
came into our conversation . She didn't
think facts about AIDS should be taught
in public schools. I disagreed. After all,
it was a health epidemic affecting all
segments of society. She was a devout
Christian and we had often attended
church together.
"Pam, what if I had AIDS? Would
you still be my friend?" I asked.
"Janet, I'm going to be honest with
you," she responded, leaning over the
table as she looked straight into my
eyes. "I'd call you on the phone and
wish you well, but I wou~dn't want to
be with you or hug you . I'm sorry, but
that's exactly how I feel."
I remember putting my sandwich
back on my plate and leaning back into
my seat in shock. I sighed in disbelief.
"You've been my closest friend for 12
years. How could you possibly turn
your back on me?" I asked, hurt and
confused.
She continued to repeat her view.
"I'm really sorry, but I could only support you from a distance. I wouldn't
want to be near you. I guess I'm afraid
I'd catch it from you, " she said.
"But the only way you could contract the virus would be through sex or
blood products. You cannot catch it
through casual contact like hugging
me," I explained.
I tried not to overreact for fear she'd
think I had AIDS or suspect that someone I knew had it. After all, we had
just been talking about my mother's
illness-whic h she thought was cancer.
I thought pensively, If this is how my
Christian friends react, then how would my
\
mother's and father's friends respond to
her? Mom had heard dreadful stories of
rejection and discriminatio n. She was
too old and sick to fight people who
wouldn't understand . I knew some
would be supportive, yet there might be
some people who would turn against
them . But she needed that ,support
from friends and other relatives who
did not realize she had AIDS.
~26
Like a Baby
experiencing, so I couldn't share my
sorrow with them. I cried all the \o\'.ay to
the airport.
g~/0
· Wordl ess
I knew this would be my last visit with
Mom. When I arrived at their home, it
was late but she was waiting for me. ~
J
stood by her hospital bed. "I told yo1
to be strong.
I'd be back," I said, trying
,,
I felt so weak!
her to h lk,
My father encouraged
but dementia had caused her to lose the
ability to talk to anyone. "That's O.K.,
Mom. I know you're saying, 'Hi, Janet,'
in your heart." l rested my hand on
her chest. "You don't have to say anything. Just be. I'm here," I reassured ·
her.
I woke up at 5 a.m. A few minutes later
I heard a loud noise in my mother's
bedroom. I reached out past my father
sleeping on the couch. Apparently, he
hadn't heard her this time . It must
have been a long night for him.
As I entered the bedroom, I saw her
sprawled on the floor. "Hi, Doll," she
I·
said nonchalantly, as if she were simply
I.
resting in bed. I stood over her for a few
seconds just staring at the pitiful body
lying contentedly on the floor.
J
I went back to get help from my This morning I watched Jean, my
father. We lifted her and laid her on the mother's Hospice nurse, take earn of
bed. I watched as my father changed her. I felt so grateful 1 at Mom N"as
the diaper shield she was wearing. She receiving love from som ,o)\'e elsf' '• ho \ ·
t
111
;is dyl'r.g ·
had become incontinent. I had been knew about her illness. Sh
the first one to put a diaper on my with love and dignity h -her own
mother before we came to Florida. It home. Jean whispered, "Be c.Meful what
wasn't easy for me to treat my mother you say in fron,t of her because hearing
is the last to go."
like a baby.
After she left, I sat by Mom's bedside
eat my
During breakfast I tried to
pre- gazing at the oxygen tank that was
cereal but the lump in my throat
vented it from passing down. I sipped making her final days more bearable. I
my tea, trying to hold back my tears as thanked God I was able to be with her,
to hold her hand and just be by her
she stared incessantly at me.
fly home side.
"I don 't want you to
Before supper, my father went out to
today," Mom said in a sad voice. "I'll
down to do some errands. I was alone with
miss you." Her head dropped
Mom. I leaned over her hospital bed
gaze at the floor.
with tears flowing down my face and
back, Mom."
"I promise I'll be
said, "Mom, I know you can probably
at me.
She looked mournfully
dressed, I went into her see things I can't. There's a beautiful I
After I had
bedroom and sat for 45 minutes as I place waiting for you. I want you to j'
stroked her head, Her eyes were glued know that it's 0.K. to let go whenever
j
to my face . Suddenly, she began sob- you're ready.
"Please don't worry about me, Mom .
had no words, just tears. I
bing. She
hugged her and said, "I love you, I'll be all right . I'll miss you, but I
promise I'll be O.K. You've been a '
Mom."
The people taking me to the airport wonderful mother and I love you
were close friends of my parents but very much. Whenever you're ready,
Were not aWilTf' nf thP f-T;,oprh T WP moro
g~/6
Releas e
�was quivering with emotion, but I beautiful. I held her while she took her
needed to tell her how I felt.
last few breaths. She's at peace now."
I saw her chest heave with a release of
emotion. Her hand was entwined in ~//
mine. I only had a few more hours to
hold her and to touch her physical body.
I was flying home tonight to be with my
family. The next time I would see her I stayed .with my father after the funeral
would probably be when she was in a services since we needed each other so
casket. I wanted to memorize every much. I was still having a difficult time
racial feature, especially her sentimental holding my emotions in and pretend' rown eyes and her soft gentle hands.
ing. Lord, I prayed, please give me somehe loved listening to her tape one to share my sorrow with-and to
reQorder. I played the song "The Wind understand the pain I'm going through.
Be, ~ath My Wings." Her breathing was
The secrecy was destroying me. As I
becoming extremely labored. Her kid- boarded the plane to return home, I
neys were shutting down.
noticed my seat was in the very last
Mom was on her way to another row. My eyes were red from crying at
land, a land of peace and love and free- the airport. The woman sitting next to
dom from suffering. How could I wish me knew something was wrong.
her to linger? I looked at her eyes, one
"Are you all right?" she asked symhalf open, the other closed.
pathetically.
As I left her that night, I said, "Mom,
"My mother died two weeks ago," I
remember I love you. We'll meet again said. She held my hand to offer consoin another place in another time. It's lation. She began telling me about a
0 .K. to let go." I kissed her on the fore- young man for whom she had just
head. Leaving was heart-wrenching and recently cared. He was a teacher who
tb.e most difficult thing I've ever had to died of AIDS. I couldn't believe she was
do.
revealing this to me.
The phone i(<lilg at 1:15 a.m. on FebWow, Lord, I thought, that was a
ruary 21. 'l(\ SJ.1e's gone, Janet, " my quick answer to my prayer. There was
£ath'E:r':; voi , e .:::ried. "She died in my no question in my mind that God
ar,_ a
,s
minutes ago, but it was wanted me to share my secret burden
Secret Burden
teJ
Catholic Ministry to People
Living ,,v1tl1 HIV/ AIDS
The National Catholic AIDS Network (NCAN) is a nonprofit organization ~esponding to the AIDS pandemic by providing education, technical assistance and a support network for HIV/AIDS for those affected
by HIV-as individuals, as groups or as service providers; Their mission is to heip the Church respond in an informed and compassionate manner to challenges such as those faced by Janet Clark and her
mothe.- and fa,ther.
NCAN maintains a database for referrals as well as technical support. In collaboration with Catholic Charities USA and the Catholic
Health Association of the United States, NCAN publishes the ~ational
Catholic HIV/AIDS Resources Directory with more than 500 listings
of Catholic-identified medical, social-se1 ,nee and pastoral-care organizations to assist those living with and affected by HIV/AIDS.
Contact NCAN at P.O. Box 422984, San Francisco, CA 94142, or by
e-mail at ,ncan@sonic.net.
with this woman.
I leaned over clo~e to her and whispered softly, "My mother also died of
AIDS." Tears flowed freely from her
eyes. We both cried as she comforted
me during my long flight. She knew
what it was like to watch a loved one
die of AIDS and to fight the discrimination that sometimes accompanies it.
As I gazed into the clouds, Helt so close
to heaven and to my mom. She was
indeed "the wind beneath my wings."
~:2()
A Quilt Square
.
Shortly after I returned home I shared
my secret with three close friends. They
have been a tremendous support system to me. I still keep this a secret to
many other friends whom I would like
to tell because of a few f~y members'
wishes. Fortunately, my father tested
negative for the HIV virus.
I wanted my mother's memory to
remain alive, so I made a panel for her
for the Quilt Project which displays
over 18,000 panels which stand for
people who have died of AIDS. My
mother's quilt was chosen to be on display at the AIDS International Convention in Florence, Italy. Hopefully, it
will make a statement and touch the
hearts of people who see it.
To protect our privacy, I only put
"Mom" on it- In the comer of the panel
I wrote the sentence, "It hurts to know
you suffered in silence."
I pray that as people become more
educated about HIV and AIDS, fear and
prejudice will be eradicated from their
minds and they will reach out in compassion as Christ did to those who were
sick and scorned by society. Hopefully,
' others will not have to suffer in silence
with such an agonizing secret as we
had to do.
IAI
Janet Clark is the pseudonym of the daughter and
author, She says, "Unfortunately, because of the \
social stigma and misunderstanding about AIDS,
the names and places have been changed, It hurts
me to have to do this, but I want people to understand the isolation and anguish people with AIDSand their families-endure because society has made
it difficult for them to be open about their illness,"
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Dublin Core
The Dublin Core metadata element set is common to all Omeka records, including items, files, and collections. For more information see, http://dublincore.org/documents/dces/.
Title
A name given to the resource
Robert John Quinn's Memorial Books
Description
An account of the resource
This collection was originally titled the Robert John Quinn AIDS Memorial Books, by the compiler Robert John Quinn. As The History Project began digitizing the obituaries, we realized Robert John Quinn's methodology in collecting the obituaries was unknown, nor could it be verified. <br /><br />This collection includes more than 7,000 obituaries, many of which specify that individuals died of AIDS or AIDS-related illnesses. However, there are obituaries included in these scrapbooks for victims of hate crimes, of individuals who died of other illnesses or accidents, and some obituaries where the cause of death is not included. Sexual orientation, gender identity, and HIV/AIDS status, if not clearly stated, should not be assumed or implied of anyone in this collection. <br /><br />In order to maintain this collection in its entirety as Robert John Quinn had intended, and to honor all of the individuals included, we have changed the name to Robert John Quinn's Memorial Books. <br /><br />If for any reason you find an obituary that you wish to have removed from this digital collection, please contact The History Project at info@historyproject.org with the person's name and reason for removal. <br /><br /><em><strong>This digitization project was funded in part by <a href="http://masshumanities.org" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">Mass Humanities</a>, which receives support from the Massachusetts Cultural Council and is an affiliate of the National Endowment for the Humanities.</strong></em>
Creator
An entity primarily responsible for making the resource
Quinn, Robert John
Date
A point or period of time associated with an event in the lifecycle of the resource
1983-2000
Rights
Information about rights held in and over the resource
Copyright restrictions may apply. Visit https://historyproject.omeka.net/rights-and-reproductions for more information and to review The History Project's takedown policy.
Identifier
An unambiguous reference to the resource within a given context
THP-019
Contributor
An entity responsible for making contributions to the resource
Papadopoulos, Cole; Holden, William
Publisher
An entity responsible for making the resource available
The History Project: Documenting LGBTQ Boston
Dublin Core
The Dublin Core metadata element set is common to all Omeka records, including items, files, and collections. For more information see, http://dublincore.org/documents/dces/.
Title
A name given to the resource
Robert John Quinn's Memorial Books, Volume U
Description
An account of the resource
This is the digitized twenty-second volume, or binder, of Robert John Quinn's Memorial Books. This volume largely includes obituaries of individuals with a last name that starts with the letter "U." <br /><br /><strong>See the index at the end of the PDF file to search for specific names. </strong><br /><br />About this collection: Many of the obituaries and memorials in this collection of scrapbooks specify that individuals died of AIDS or AIDS-related illnesses. However, there are obituaries included in these scrapbooks for victims of hate crimes, of individuals who died of other illnesses or accidents, and some obituaries where the cause of death is not included. Sexual orientation, gender identity, and HIV/AIDS status, if not clearly stated, should not be assumed or implied of anyone in this collection. <br /><br />If for any reason you find an obituary that you wish to have removed from this digital collection, please contact The History Project at info@historyproject.org with the person's name and reason for removal.<br /><br /><em><strong>This program is funded in part by <a href="http://masshumanities.org/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">Mass Humanities</a>, which receives support from the Massachusetts Cultural Council and is an affiliate of the National Endowment for the Humanities.</strong></em>
Creator
An entity primarily responsible for making the resource
Quinn, Robert John
Publisher
An entity responsible for making the resource available
The History Project: Documenting LGBTQ Boston
Rights
Information about rights held in and over the resource
Copyright restrictions may apply. Visit https://historyproject.omeka.net/rights-and-reproductions for more information and to review The History Project's takedown policy.
Format
The file format, physical medium, or dimensions of the resource
application/pdf
Type
The nature or genre of the resource
Text
Identifier
An unambiguous reference to the resource within a given context
THP-019-U
Subject
The topic of the resource
Ullman, Jeffrey; Umile, Ronald G.; Upton, Mark; Urban, Bill; Uribe, Roy A.; Usher, Gregory Clydesdale; Usilton, Lewin Hepburn, III; Ugi, David W.; Uppling, Richard K.; Upchurch, Alan Young; Underwood, Patricia; Urbauer, Gregory; Ursich, Phil; Obituaries; LGBTQ obituaries; HIV/AIDS; AIDS memorials; Scrapbooks; LGBTQ people; Lesbians; Gay men; Bisexual people; Transgender people; Queer people